(Disclosure: My posts contain affiliate links. It's how I keep the lights on around here!)
Boy Haircuts. They're quite possibly the bane of my existence. Girl haircuts are easy: I just let them have long hair! But boy haircuts are a different story!
The next time a midwife hands me a new baby, if that baby has boy-parts, I just might say to him, “I will love you forever, I will change your nastiest diapers without complaint, I will sit next to you all night long and catch your vomit in a bucket, but I will not cut your hair.”
A long time ago Papa the Farmer and I decided that haircuts were not something we wanted to spend money on. “You can do that and we'd save $12” Papa the Farmer said. “It's not much, but with me and two boys getting haircuts every six week, it adds up. We could buy a $20 pair of clippers (affiliate link) and save over $300 a year!”
Three hundred dollars a year. That's nothing to sneeze at, but what on earth gave Papa the Farmer the idea that I could cut hair? While the trade-school-bound kids were taking cosmetology in high school, the university-bound kids like me were in literature class studying Beowulf. (If they had really wanted to prepare us for life, they would have made us ALL learn how to cut hair!)
If it were up to me, I'd let the boys hair grow down to their feet. Because when I cut their hair, it sounds like this:
“I wanna see!” (wiggle, wiggle.)
“Ouch! It hurts!” (wiggle, wiggle.)
“Don't cut my ear off!” (wiggle, wiggle.)
“It's tickling me!” (wiggle, wiggle.)
***whoosh!*** (That's them spinning around trying to avoid the scissors. wiggle, wiggle.)
“Don't let it fall on the ground, Mama! I want to SAVE IT FOREVER!” (wiggle, wiggle.)
Seriously. No real cosmetologist would ever work under these conditions.
At least I have my good friend Google. And my good friend Google led me to my new friend Laura over at Heavenly Homemakers. She has a fabulous guest post on her site all about how to cut boys' hair like a pro. And it was written by a real cosmetologist.
Armed with the information from that post (it tells you exactly what angle to hold the hair and cut), I snipped and snipped with confidence and I thought the haircut turned out alright. At least I thought it looked fine until the next morning when I took a good look at it again. In the daylight. Dry.
It's ok. It could be worse. And we don't go out in public much anyway. Or at least we won't be until I fix it.
And after all that, I just heard that the small-town hairdresser in Blue Ridge only charges $5 for a boy's haircut. “I can't charge big city prices out here,” she told me.
Next time the boys need a haircut I think we might just go there. After all, sometimes you get what you pay for. And right now, the boys are getting exactly what they're paying for. I'm willing to pay for haircuts.
And I'll tip the lady well. Very, very well. (wiggle, wiggle.)